Compared to their parents, Millennial fathers have roughly tripled the amount of time they spend with kids. The new American dad is more present and more exhausted—but also, more satisfied with life.
Being an active father is one of the best gifts you can give yourself. Not only does it give you rich relationships when your children are young and at home but it lays the foundation for rich relationships when your children are adults. I was born in 1962 so I could easily have been more of a boomer dad on the sidelines but my wife pushed me early on to make my very young children a priority, and I'm forever grateful to her for that.
Another factor at work here is that today fathers, like everyone else, are at home more of the time (no data, just what I think I see). Work from home is part of this, but even more so for everyone in "leisure" time. The decline in community participation - church, clubs, organizations - and in non-home recreation ( bowling leagues, hanging out in bars, etc.) simply puts Dad in the home for more hours.
I am a child of the 1950s. My father spent more time with me than any of my friends' fathers spent with them....by a long shot.
I would caddy for him weekly. I loved it. We'd talk, he'd give me math problems, and then after the front nine I'd get my Nehi Grape (you'll welcome Radar).
We went to 50s western films together regularly. I saw all of the great ones.
Every year he would come to my school and spend the day with me. I loved it. All of the children would gather round him and me. He was the only parent who did this.
I would go with him to sweep out the Katz Department Store attic where we held church. On Saturday nights they would have dinners/parties there and it would be filthy. We'd get up early on Sundays to do this together. Just me and him.
I modeled all of my parenting after him.
I miss him so much. I'm starting to cry, so I'll sign off.
Wonderful piece, and I'm grateful for the shoutout to my book! I've written about this idea that "dads have more fun" - there's evidence that parenting time is more enjoyable for fathers:
This is a great piece and I would love to see more pieces like this. While I appreciate the fair and balanced perspectives presented here, I would recommend reading ‘Making Motherhood Work’ which isn’t just about Motherhood with a capital M but about how work impacts parenting. Thanks again for this piece.
Dad’s should feel good about their time with their kids…I remember seeing my husband handle watching our daughter, and he did things a bit different than myself, but that was the charm that made the day.
also Derek, regarding audiobook narrator’s that really made your book better, you can search a library database by the narrator’s name, and it may open up a batch of new authors that you might of never crossed paths with 👍
I’m curious to know how much of both parents’ time is spent on social media/online. When I think about the typical adult I know, that seems to be a feature of how they spend their days.
“Phone time” is mentioned but that’s a pretty big bucket of commingled activities (including work, games, communication, etc.). I suspect all the social media time is not just the kids.
Thanks for the always super-interesting perspectives from the ATUS! So interesting and so appreciated!
I agree that some part of the "concerted cultivation" approach comes from fear. But I think there's something in addition to the fear, and the pleasure of spending time with kids. I think there is a stronger sense of children as individuals who should be psychologically attended to, treated as "real people," etc. There's an increased sense of responsibility and obligation to be attentive, and to support child development. Various "gentle parenting" techniques are a lot more labor-intensive. There can be good reasons to critique them, but I do think they reflect an increasing sense of children as full individuals, and not just anxiety about children's future. I'm a historian, and my last book is The Myth of the Perfect Pregnancy: A History of Miscarriage in America. Part of what I describe is the way in which this modern parenting style, with a strong sense of responsibility to the child as an individual, came to inform pregnancy (even early pregnancy, when miscarriages are common).
I’ve had a rough day, and your post just helped turn it around. You skillfully highlighted the progress of men while also noting that women are continuing to do more.
All too often, what is only reported are the continued gender inequities in leisure time, domestic labor, and caregiving. Those are real (on average) and need to be improved when leisure time is not equal. However, we shouldn’t mask the progress we are seeing with fathers. Men should also be celebrated and encouraged.
Finally, your graphics were tremendously helpful. I’m going to share them on social media, and of course, give you full attribution.
I think this started changing long before the millennial generation. I know many men in late Boomer and GenX who spent TONS of time with their kids. That said, there is a lot of good stuff here.
Many things going on at once, but one of them is an increase in helicopter parenting. There can be a downside to so much parenting: kids are less independent than they used to be.
Being an active father is one of the best gifts you can give yourself. Not only does it give you rich relationships when your children are young and at home but it lays the foundation for rich relationships when your children are adults. I was born in 1962 so I could easily have been more of a boomer dad on the sidelines but my wife pushed me early on to make my very young children a priority, and I'm forever grateful to her for that.
Another factor at work here is that today fathers, like everyone else, are at home more of the time (no data, just what I think I see). Work from home is part of this, but even more so for everyone in "leisure" time. The decline in community participation - church, clubs, organizations - and in non-home recreation ( bowling leagues, hanging out in bars, etc.) simply puts Dad in the home for more hours.
That’s in the piece! Check out explanation 3 :)
Note to self: must read more carefully!
I am a child of the 1950s. My father spent more time with me than any of my friends' fathers spent with them....by a long shot.
I would caddy for him weekly. I loved it. We'd talk, he'd give me math problems, and then after the front nine I'd get my Nehi Grape (you'll welcome Radar).
We went to 50s western films together regularly. I saw all of the great ones.
Every year he would come to my school and spend the day with me. I loved it. All of the children would gather round him and me. He was the only parent who did this.
I would go with him to sweep out the Katz Department Store attic where we held church. On Saturday nights they would have dinners/parties there and it would be filthy. We'd get up early on Sundays to do this together. Just me and him.
I modeled all of my parenting after him.
I miss him so much. I'm starting to cry, so I'll sign off.
Wonderful piece, and I'm grateful for the shoutout to my book! I've written about this idea that "dads have more fun" - there's evidence that parenting time is more enjoyable for fathers:
https://darbysaxbe.substack.com/p/dads-really-do-have-more-fun
Loved this! Thanks for writing and sharing. And congrats on being a new dad (from a new mom!) 🐣
This is a great piece and I would love to see more pieces like this. While I appreciate the fair and balanced perspectives presented here, I would recommend reading ‘Making Motherhood Work’ which isn’t just about Motherhood with a capital M but about how work impacts parenting. Thanks again for this piece.
Dad’s should feel good about their time with their kids…I remember seeing my husband handle watching our daughter, and he did things a bit different than myself, but that was the charm that made the day.
also Derek, regarding audiobook narrator’s that really made your book better, you can search a library database by the narrator’s name, and it may open up a batch of new authors that you might of never crossed paths with 👍
I’m curious to know how much of both parents’ time is spent on social media/online. When I think about the typical adult I know, that seems to be a feature of how they spend their days.
“Phone time” is mentioned but that’s a pretty big bucket of commingled activities (including work, games, communication, etc.). I suspect all the social media time is not just the kids.
Thanks for the always super-interesting perspectives from the ATUS! So interesting and so appreciated!
I agree that some part of the "concerted cultivation" approach comes from fear. But I think there's something in addition to the fear, and the pleasure of spending time with kids. I think there is a stronger sense of children as individuals who should be psychologically attended to, treated as "real people," etc. There's an increased sense of responsibility and obligation to be attentive, and to support child development. Various "gentle parenting" techniques are a lot more labor-intensive. There can be good reasons to critique them, but I do think they reflect an increasing sense of children as full individuals, and not just anxiety about children's future. I'm a historian, and my last book is The Myth of the Perfect Pregnancy: A History of Miscarriage in America. Part of what I describe is the way in which this modern parenting style, with a strong sense of responsibility to the child as an individual, came to inform pregnancy (even early pregnancy, when miscarriages are common).
I’ve had a rough day, and your post just helped turn it around. You skillfully highlighted the progress of men while also noting that women are continuing to do more.
All too often, what is only reported are the continued gender inequities in leisure time, domestic labor, and caregiving. Those are real (on average) and need to be improved when leisure time is not equal. However, we shouldn’t mask the progress we are seeing with fathers. Men should also be celebrated and encouraged.
Finally, your graphics were tremendously helpful. I’m going to share them on social media, and of course, give you full attribution.
The charts are impressive, but very dense and at times a bit overwhelming!
I think this started changing long before the millennial generation. I know many men in late Boomer and GenX who spent TONS of time with their kids. That said, there is a lot of good stuff here.
Many things going on at once, but one of them is an increase in helicopter parenting. There can be a downside to so much parenting: kids are less independent than they used to be.