Excellent analogy, Derek -- thanks for the reminder. I suggest one tweak: when we are run down and don't take proper care of our bodies and minds, the morning's pitcher isn't guaranteed to be full. I am recovering from a couple decades of balancing a demanding career with a busy life as a musician, and I can attest to how letting myself get burned out left me with a pitcher that was not even half-full on many days.
Only cup I'd add is something like friends or community. Are you working to maintain or strengthen your connections? Are you doing something that benefits your larger local community? Lots of research like the Harvard study show that strong social connections are the source of true happiness.
Great article but, as we all know, the pull of the internet is magnetic (and intentionally designed that way, to increase "engagement" and sell more stuff) so I find myself trying to increase my own awareness of when I am falling down a rabbit hole of one kind or another (shopping, politics, research on a medical condition, reading a substack, etc etc) so I ask myself "what am Iooking for?" and "Is this filling or draining me?" I find that doing and seeing art is something that can give me more "water" each day rather than less. I think this true of being in nature and interacting (especially in person) with people I love.
phor and no one could disagree with the sentiment. That said, one's preference for filling one cup probably varies not just in relation to the total amount in the pitcher but depending on the level of the other cups and the cup itself. The value of 100ml of water in your family cup you've just filled from empty is not the same as it is for the next 100ml. Equally, having a very full close friend cup might modify the value of your 100ml family cup. Statistically I think it's something like main effects vs interaction. Anyway, thanks for the thought-provoking post.
After the combo of the last presidential election, stress at work, and the passing of my father, I made a real effort to only look at news/social media in the mornings. My goal was NOT to pick up my phone when I had any free moment and let myself sit and be bored. To that end, I started using the Downtime app on my IPhone, but that was too easy to get past. So I downloaded and paid for Opal. My phone usage has been cut and half (seriously) since I started. I now read, practice my piano, cook and get bored more. And I mentally feel fantastic.
I think it’s a good framework, but to expand on the analogy, part of the reason it’s so challenging to manage is that you’re not pouring just water from a daily pitcher. Instead, you’re pouring mixed drinks. The daily “water” pitcher of *time* is relatively straightforward, yet what we actually share is a mixture containing not only water from the time jug but also the added spoonfuls of capacity for active listening, splashes of openness to learning, a dose from the patience jug, wattage from a social battery, ounces of insight, and so on.
All these different containers get drained and filled in the complex, interconnected system of our daily lives. This is why even if we, for example, set an extra hour a week to be more innovative, creative, etc., it only works if we can summon the non-time ingredients and add them into the cup. The quality of our in-the-moment attention or mindshare is dependent on which ingredients we have and the levels of these different "containers". Therefore, it's also essential to make sure they're properly restocked and available, and that the rarest of them are saved for the most critical moments.
In this regard, everyone should read Oliver Burkeman's "4000 Weeks." Much wisdom about how we spend our time, focus our attention, and think about our limited time on the planet.
Only since I retired have I been able to put my priorities in order. For some of us, work is a time/attention suck we can't escape from. It demands too much of us because it literally serves our basic needs. It feeds and shelters our families while finding ways daily to judge our worth. It is less a choice than a chance for survival. Our families and selves suffer as a consequence. Once we free ourselves from the demands of career, we can look around and smell the coffee, and make choices that nurture us. Why? Because, so far at least, a few government programs continue to assist people who, like all of us, grow old.
Love this framing, Derek. Between this and your thoughtful reflections in my “psychology of ambition” session yesterday, I think it would be super-fun to do a Substack Live chat with you on the “psychology of abundance”! Would you be game?
Excellent analogy, Derek -- thanks for the reminder. I suggest one tweak: when we are run down and don't take proper care of our bodies and minds, the morning's pitcher isn't guaranteed to be full. I am recovering from a couple decades of balancing a demanding career with a busy life as a musician, and I can attest to how letting myself get burned out left me with a pitcher that was not even half-full on many days.
Good point
Banger of a read. “WORK, TIKTOK, WIFE, DISHES, EXERCISE, REGRET, PARENTS, ANXIETY, GOD” should be on a shirt.
Only cup I'd add is something like friends or community. Are you working to maintain or strengthen your connections? Are you doing something that benefits your larger local community? Lots of research like the Harvard study show that strong social connections are the source of true happiness.
PS - Super excited to see and hear you live here in Vermont this week!
Great article but, as we all know, the pull of the internet is magnetic (and intentionally designed that way, to increase "engagement" and sell more stuff) so I find myself trying to increase my own awareness of when I am falling down a rabbit hole of one kind or another (shopping, politics, research on a medical condition, reading a substack, etc etc) so I ask myself "what am Iooking for?" and "Is this filling or draining me?" I find that doing and seeing art is something that can give me more "water" each day rather than less. I think this true of being in nature and interacting (especially in person) with people I love.
It's a nice meta
phor and no one could disagree with the sentiment. That said, one's preference for filling one cup probably varies not just in relation to the total amount in the pitcher but depending on the level of the other cups and the cup itself. The value of 100ml of water in your family cup you've just filled from empty is not the same as it is for the next 100ml. Equally, having a very full close friend cup might modify the value of your 100ml family cup. Statistically I think it's something like main effects vs interaction. Anyway, thanks for the thought-provoking post.
Great piece, I really needed to read this
After the combo of the last presidential election, stress at work, and the passing of my father, I made a real effort to only look at news/social media in the mornings. My goal was NOT to pick up my phone when I had any free moment and let myself sit and be bored. To that end, I started using the Downtime app on my IPhone, but that was too easy to get past. So I downloaded and paid for Opal. My phone usage has been cut and half (seriously) since I started. I now read, practice my piano, cook and get bored more. And I mentally feel fantastic.
I think it’s a good framework, but to expand on the analogy, part of the reason it’s so challenging to manage is that you’re not pouring just water from a daily pitcher. Instead, you’re pouring mixed drinks. The daily “water” pitcher of *time* is relatively straightforward, yet what we actually share is a mixture containing not only water from the time jug but also the added spoonfuls of capacity for active listening, splashes of openness to learning, a dose from the patience jug, wattage from a social battery, ounces of insight, and so on.
All these different containers get drained and filled in the complex, interconnected system of our daily lives. This is why even if we, for example, set an extra hour a week to be more innovative, creative, etc., it only works if we can summon the non-time ingredients and add them into the cup. The quality of our in-the-moment attention or mindshare is dependent on which ingredients we have and the levels of these different "containers". Therefore, it's also essential to make sure they're properly restocked and available, and that the rarest of them are saved for the most critical moments.
Loved this and I’m going to try and keep this in the forefront of my mind.
I really enjoyed this analogy.
Chris Hayes also talked about this in The Sirens’ Call and focuses more on social media but discusses how our attention is finite.
I would like to read/hear more on your thoughts about the topic in this newsletter in future newsletters.
I thought this was going to be about cheating on drug screening urinalysis tests.
Needed this! Thank you!
In this regard, everyone should read Oliver Burkeman's "4000 Weeks." Much wisdom about how we spend our time, focus our attention, and think about our limited time on the planet.
The Seven Habits of Highly Successful People.
Read it.
Only since I retired have I been able to put my priorities in order. For some of us, work is a time/attention suck we can't escape from. It demands too much of us because it literally serves our basic needs. It feeds and shelters our families while finding ways daily to judge our worth. It is less a choice than a chance for survival. Our families and selves suffer as a consequence. Once we free ourselves from the demands of career, we can look around and smell the coffee, and make choices that nurture us. Why? Because, so far at least, a few government programs continue to assist people who, like all of us, grow old.
Love this framing, Derek. Between this and your thoughtful reflections in my “psychology of ambition” session yesterday, I think it would be super-fun to do a Substack Live chat with you on the “psychology of abundance”! Would you be game?