I LOVED this. And I’m not just saying that because I’m from Paris - though the 'morphing Left Bank' metaphor really resonates - but because it is truly excellent. It connected deeply with a few things I’ve reflected on over the years.
1. Watching a child grow is essentially witnessing an individual evolve in 'high-speed.' It makes me wonder: why don't we grant that same grace to adults? We cling to this myth of the 'Finished' adult and treat the people around us as static fixtures, when everyone is actually a work in progress. Having a baby beautifully ruins that illusion.
2. The way we shift our behavior around children mesmerises me. I love it cause it perfectly captures my view of the adult: a multi-faceted person who reflects different lights depending on which spot you use to illuminate them. The 'professional' and the 'ogre' are at total odds, but that’s not a crisis of character - it’s the fun part. Consistency is boring; the friction between our different selves is where the personality lives. We show different faces depending on the room we’re in, and that is more than fine—it’s fascinating.
3. Finally, there is the beauty of embracing the chaos (a bit of Nietzsche, perhaps?). I love the idea that the streets of our lives are always moving, the Louvre is being relocated, and the ride is always vertiginous. Embracing that chaos doesn't kill our fundamentals; it actually enriches them, make them more complete, strengthen them in unexpected ways...
Thanks for writing this! To me, this was the perfect lunch break - and a beautiful reminder that we are all a collection of strangers, in constant evolution, who happen to share the same universal experience. And hopefully the joy of parenting, discovering and reinventing oneself again and again <3
The constant change is really on point. People used to ask me how things were going with our baby and I’d joke that I was finally really good at taking care of a six week old, but unfortunately my daughter was now 5 months.
The other remarkable thing, though, is that the opposite is somehow also true. My wife and I used to look at our baby daughter in real profound disbelief that she would someday grow into a toddler, a child, a person with her own thoughts and agency and personality that we could actually carry a conversation with. She eventually did, and then some, but what’s amazing is that she’s so obviously been in there the whole time. All of what makes her her, her curiosity, her meticulousness, her emotional intelligence, her imagination, it was always all there from the beginning even as she was going through all of the stages and perpetually transforming. We think back to when we’d ask “how is it possible that this baby will become a real person?” And now we can look at her and at each other and answer “Oh, I see. Just like that.”
In deep learning terms, you are describing the training of your child. This training is both online and largely (but not completely) unsupervised.
Unlike an LLM, you can train your child without worrying about what optimizer to use, or whether she will find generalizable solutions to life's many tasks (she will), and you don't have to divide the world into 'batches' for her to understand and remember the information.
She will handle all that in her little head, automagically.
So here, on the doorstep of what some think is impending AI doom, take a moment to delight in her ability to somehow do all the things, in a way that no AI has yet mastered.
Just a beautiful articulation of something that’s impossible to capture, Derek. I think the reason cliches exist is that they are universal. That doesn’t mean they aren’t worth expressing — and it makes it even more compelling when they’re given a new spin.
I LOVED this. And I’m not just saying that because I’m from Paris - though the 'morphing Left Bank' metaphor really resonates - but because it is truly excellent. It connected deeply with a few things I’ve reflected on over the years.
1. Watching a child grow is essentially witnessing an individual evolve in 'high-speed.' It makes me wonder: why don't we grant that same grace to adults? We cling to this myth of the 'Finished' adult and treat the people around us as static fixtures, when everyone is actually a work in progress. Having a baby beautifully ruins that illusion.
2. The way we shift our behavior around children mesmerises me. I love it cause it perfectly captures my view of the adult: a multi-faceted person who reflects different lights depending on which spot you use to illuminate them. The 'professional' and the 'ogre' are at total odds, but that’s not a crisis of character - it’s the fun part. Consistency is boring; the friction between our different selves is where the personality lives. We show different faces depending on the room we’re in, and that is more than fine—it’s fascinating.
3. Finally, there is the beauty of embracing the chaos (a bit of Nietzsche, perhaps?). I love the idea that the streets of our lives are always moving, the Louvre is being relocated, and the ride is always vertiginous. Embracing that chaos doesn't kill our fundamentals; it actually enriches them, make them more complete, strengthen them in unexpected ways...
Thanks for writing this! To me, this was the perfect lunch break - and a beautiful reminder that we are all a collection of strangers, in constant evolution, who happen to share the same universal experience. And hopefully the joy of parenting, discovering and reinventing oneself again and again <3
Really, really beautiful
Good essay. Feels like you journal nightly, capturing the tiny moments.
I love this. As close to capturing the elusive beauty and fear of parenthood as I have ever read.
Beautifully written. Thank you
The constant change is really on point. People used to ask me how things were going with our baby and I’d joke that I was finally really good at taking care of a six week old, but unfortunately my daughter was now 5 months.
The other remarkable thing, though, is that the opposite is somehow also true. My wife and I used to look at our baby daughter in real profound disbelief that she would someday grow into a toddler, a child, a person with her own thoughts and agency and personality that we could actually carry a conversation with. She eventually did, and then some, but what’s amazing is that she’s so obviously been in there the whole time. All of what makes her her, her curiosity, her meticulousness, her emotional intelligence, her imagination, it was always all there from the beginning even as she was going through all of the stages and perpetually transforming. We think back to when we’d ask “how is it possible that this baby will become a real person?” And now we can look at her and at each other and answer “Oh, I see. Just like that.”
I held it together until that closing line.
Yeah I started bawling there too.
Thank you!
Bravo.
In deep learning terms, you are describing the training of your child. This training is both online and largely (but not completely) unsupervised.
Unlike an LLM, you can train your child without worrying about what optimizer to use, or whether she will find generalizable solutions to life's many tasks (she will), and you don't have to divide the world into 'batches' for her to understand and remember the information.
She will handle all that in her little head, automagically.
So here, on the doorstep of what some think is impending AI doom, take a moment to delight in her ability to somehow do all the things, in a way that no AI has yet mastered.
Thank you for sharing this wonderfully written reflection on fatherhood. Poignant and thoughtful.
Beautiful, Derek. One of your best.
Insightful and delightful! Thanks! With admiration from your distant cousin, Suzy (Farbman)
I love this tender reflection, thank you!
Just a beautiful articulation of something that’s impossible to capture, Derek. I think the reason cliches exist is that they are universal. That doesn’t mean they aren’t worth expressing — and it makes it even more compelling when they’re given a new spin.
Great stuff, Derek.
Wonderful.
Do you think it wise to live a life of pushing away happiness and beauty because other people are embracing them?